I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
