dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
