I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
