I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
They took my balls.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
