Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
