Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
