I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
