I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
