just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im six kinds of drunk right now
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
