And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
