We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
