he shaved USA in his pubs
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
