my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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