i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
