Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
