Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
