I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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