She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
