Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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