You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
