I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
