she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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