My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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