Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
