I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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