you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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