Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
