No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize