Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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