Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
