if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
