Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
