shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
