College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
