Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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