On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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