im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
