He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
