the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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