I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
