guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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