Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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