Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
