any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
