The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
