he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
