Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
