My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
