since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
