I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
