fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
