i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
