she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize