8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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