two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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