i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
