He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
