and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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