The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize