I got chris browned last night
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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