see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize