The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
