i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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