turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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