i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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