please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
