How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize