she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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