Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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