i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I need to stop coming to work sober
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
