just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
