It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
