3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
