I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
