it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Im part way to drunk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
