omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize