What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
