Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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