I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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