TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
