It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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