shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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