I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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