when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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