You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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