He is an equal opportunity slut.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
