He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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