hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
