wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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