Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Randomize
