Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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