ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
