Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
