its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize