my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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