If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
