I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
