I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
