My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
